“Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” was a tough watch. The first several minutes, including the silent opening credits tribute to Chadwick Boseman, felt like an almost unbearable display of grief by everyone involved in the film. It was touching, emotional and so obviously sincere that anyone with a shred of empathy could not help but be moved. The way they broke the news to his on-screen sister by saying something along the lines of, “your brother is with the ancestors now” really spoke to me. My only tweak would have been to say: Your brother is an ancestor now.
Because, in my opinion, that is what happens when a loved one transitions from this life into the next; they become an ancestor.
I speak to my ancestors every single day. I ask for guidance and clarity, and I start each day by asking them to protect me and my children and setting whatever intentions match my energy at the moment.
The Beginning of the Ancestor Journey
I was not always involved in ancestor communication. In fact, for most of my life, I was a hardcore atheist and then a medium-core agnostic. My feelings and spirituality began to change when, in 2017, one of my favorite aunts was diagnosed with skin cancer. She was hospitalized in August and at that time, she still looked healthy and she was talking and cracking jokes as usual. I remember thinking, “she looks great! I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
She was gone by the end of October.
Her death devastated me. Although other family members had died, there was something special about this one particular aunt. She was sassy and fiery, dryly funny, and dedicated to her whole family. She was one of the few relatives who had attended every major event in my life: all my graduations, my wedding, and baby showers. There was something just so clearly off and missing when she wasn’t around, and I used to gauge whether I was going to attend an extended family social event by figuring out whether she was going to be there or not.
Her death was also the start of my spiritual journey.
The week after she died, I went to the first of many past life regressions. I met people who inspired me to question my spirituality or lack thereof, and things began to happen around me that I couldn’t explain logically or scientifically. A friend showed me her ancestor altar with no prompting from me.
Noticing the Signs
The first thing I noticed in the immediate aftermath of my aunt’s passing was a hawk that flew around the top of my house almost every day. This had never happened before, and has not happened since. So, it was noticeable and strange to me. I took note of it, but mostly shrugged it off until my mom mentioned to me that she had been seeing a bird outside her window every morning and it was a mourning dove that matched her state of mourning. Again, I shrugged this off and assumed that my mom was being overly sentimental and trying to find a connection where there was none.
Then, one day while I was talking to my boss in her office on the 19th floor of a downtown Atlanta building, a hawk flew straight into the window and startled the absolute crap out of both of us. My boss, who I had recently learned was also a deeply spiritual person, wondered aloud what that was about. When I told her that I had been seeing hawks and my mom had been seeing birds, she immediately said, “that bird was for you. And it’s your aunt.”
This was, at the time, ridiculous and laughable to me.
That is, until my brother (a deeply non-spiritual person) called me out of nowhere and said that a hawk that smacked into his window on the 37th floor of his office building and he had never seen that happen before.
Once is a fluke.
Twice is a coincidence.
Three times is suspicious.
But four times? Four separate incidents with birds showing up out of nowhere to me and my immediate family? Even I could not chalk that up as a coincidence. When I later had a lunch date with my aunt’s daughter and granddaughter, both spontaneously and without provocation mentioned seeing birds outside their windows when they had never seen birds there before. When we put all the stories together, everyone in the family became convinced that my aunt/new ancestor was visiting us in the shape of birds.
The Synchronicities Kept Coming
Still, I was unconvinced. I have always been an evidence-based, rational-thinking person and an adolescence spent in Catholic schools had made me incredibly doubtful about religion and any forms of spirituality.
I noticed the birds and thought about the birds, but I did not believe in the birds.
But the experiences around me wouldn’t let me forget it completely or simply discard it as some big coincidence. So, I took matters into my own hands. I started thinking of ways that I could ask to be shown whether my aunt was really trying to communicate with me and if so, what in the world she was trying to say.
I was so preoccupied with the thought at work one day that I thought, “okay, Simp, if you’re really trying to talk to me, show me a dime.” This was very clever, I thought, because I don’t carry cash or coins and I was sitting alone in my cubicle where not a dime could be found. I went to the bathroom and when I came back a few minutes later, a dime was on the floor right in front of my chair.
I still wasn’t convinced, even though I was definitely getting closer to believing.
So, I came up with another test. I thought, “okay, somebody could have walked by and dropped a dime. If you’re really trying to communicate with me, show me a red balloon.”
I went to sleep that night without seeing the balloon and I felt a strange mixture of relief and disappointment. There was a part of me that didn’t want to believe. And there was a part of me that desperately did.
The next morning, my mom texted me an emoji of a red balloon.
I can still remember how my jaw dropped, and I texted my mom and asked her why she had included the picture of the red balloon. Her response was something like, “I don’t know. I just felt like I should.”
So, what was she trying to say?
The red balloon was the final straw that broke my non-believing back. I accepted and embraced that I was receiving communication from my aunt. I then proceeded to drive myself crazy for weeks and months trying to interpret what she was saying.
But now I know that she was just saying, “hi.”
She was telling me that she was there. That I could talk to her. That I could tell her my problems. That someone had my back and I was never really alone.
In the six years since I started my journey, I have bumbled and fumbled my way into a spiritual practice that feels right to me. It’s based completely on my connection to my ancestors. There is a whole group of them and they all love me and want the best for me, but my aunt is the frontwoman.
As soon as I started asking for help from them, I began to receive it. As soon as I started asking for protection, certain doors closed for me because they were not the right paths for me to take, even though I couldn’t see that at the time.
Since discovering and accepting my connection to my ancestors, I don’t feel alone. Even when I am physically alone or lonely, I know they are looking out for me and would never steer me wrong. When I ask for signs that they’re there, I get them. When I open my heart to receive clarity about anything that is unclear to me, I get it. My Spirit Family is always with me. They are endlessly patient, even when I ask the same question over and over and over again and they give me the same answer over and over and over again.
Your lost loved one is an ancestor now, and that is a beautiful, comforting thing.
Your ancestor has transitioned, but they have not left you.
Their physical presence in your life cannot be replaced. It’s true that you can’t hug a thought. You can’t text a memory. You can’t laugh over dinner with a spirit.
But they are still with you. Every day. All the time. Whenever you need or want them. Ask for signs, and you will receive them.
Experiment with it. Take the risk of feeling and looking silly, even if only to yourself. Give yourself the space and grace to figure out what works for you. If you need or would like help starting this process, I am here for you. And so are your ancestors.
If you would like to learn more about this or astrology, you can book a free 30-minute mini reading with me here.
Your Sister in Healing,
Jamila
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